Suicide. I want to do it and this time it will work. I'm afraid that if I am not successful, Albert will have a cow. His punishment of silent disgust will break me. And when that happens, I will be even more determined to make an attempt work.
I don't want to go inpatient. I hated all the changes and 'coldness' of the staff. In my opinion, it's not a very good atmosphere in which promotes healing.
I hate myself, my fatness, and my laziness. I should be exercising but I don't want to. If I do then Albert becomes my cheerleader. I hate it when he does that.
Saturday, September 13, 2014
Wednesday, September 10, 2014
What I really want...
I really want to die. I have a problem that will never get resolved. It's a shame that I feel this way.
If I talk to Albert, he will try to soothe me. That won't get rid of the suicidal thoughts, no matter how much he tries to talk me out of it.
If I talk to DrB he will probably know what is going on. And he'll most likely send me to Two Rivers again.
I can't talk about this with anyone. It's my secret and I'll go to my grave with it.
There once was a girl named Mary
She had a horrible secret to carry
I also need to keep this blog site under cover or Albert will use it against me.
sad
If I talk to Albert, he will try to soothe me. That won't get rid of the suicidal thoughts, no matter how much he tries to talk me out of it.
If I talk to DrB he will probably know what is going on. And he'll most likely send me to Two Rivers again.
I can't talk about this with anyone. It's my secret and I'll go to my grave with it.
There once was a girl named Mary
She had a horrible secret to carry
I also need to keep this blog site under cover or Albert will use it against me.
sad
Tuesday, September 9, 2014
Catching up
Wow ... I forgot about this blog spot and I have needed to write.
DrB had to cancel today's session. His wife had surgery and he needed to be home this week. I hope he calls me soon and puts me on his schedule. It really upset me when he called and said 'cancel' instead of 'reschedule'. I feel abandoned.
I am very suicidal. I'm not sure why. It's very uncomfortable to feel this way. I'm afraid to talk with Albert 'cause he'll freak out. I hesitate to tell DrB because he could decide to send me to Two Rivers. I hated it when I had to go inpatient the last time. I can't remember if it was in 2012 or 2013. I don't want to go inpatient but I can't stand feeling this way, either.
I would like to take about 4 trazadone to get some good sleep. I wouldn't die but I could be very upsetting to Albert.
DrB had to cancel today's session. His wife had surgery and he needed to be home this week. I hope he calls me soon and puts me on his schedule. It really upset me when he called and said 'cancel' instead of 'reschedule'. I feel abandoned.
I am very suicidal. I'm not sure why. It's very uncomfortable to feel this way. I'm afraid to talk with Albert 'cause he'll freak out. I hesitate to tell DrB because he could decide to send me to Two Rivers. I hated it when I had to go inpatient the last time. I can't remember if it was in 2012 or 2013. I don't want to go inpatient but I can't stand feeling this way, either.
I would like to take about 4 trazadone to get some good sleep. I wouldn't die but I could be very upsetting to Albert.
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