This weight problem is so frustrating

It's been one and half weeks and so far - no weight loss.  I'm going to wait until next Monday and then call DrP's office.  I don't know what else to do.  Everything I am doing shows no results.  I'm scared they will extend my surgery date and I don't want that to happen!

There once was a lady named Mary
Her doctor told her she was too heavy
So she dieted sensibly
And walked everyday
But Mary unfortunately stayed heavy.

blah

People in the basement

They move around sometimes in the night.  I was wakened by one who came into our bedroom at 5:15 this morning.  I saw a male figure go from Albert's dresser to mine.  He picked up something but when I sat up, he put it down and dashed into our bathroom.  I was headed that way, so I stood still and let him leave.  I heard him run down the stairs and I heard a female voice call him Robert.  So know I know the people downstairs are Robert and Connie.  It's odd that I find comfort in knowing their names.

We built this house in 1996 and they began to appear here about ten years ago.  Even now as I write, I can hear them moving around in the basement.  Usually at day break I'll hear them leave and pull the door shut.

Albert has made fun of me many times because at first I was afraid of them.  Now I simply believe that we must have built our home over their gravesite.  I have no fear now, I'm just uncomfortable when I am startled awake and know that they have been roaming through the house.

An off day

I didn't get dressed today.  I actually slept most of the day, long naps in the morning and afternoon.  I was losing weight but I didn't walk much the last couple of days and I'm back where I started.  I swear, I could be put into a coma for three months and not lose a pound.

So I start all over tomorrow.  Lots of walking because I medically need to get this extra weight off.  I have some goals for certain pieces of clothing...wouldn't it be fun to get to wear my favorite clothing again?  I keep telling myself that I have to lose the weight because Dr.Adams may so no surgery.  I would cry.  I tired of living on pain killers.  Not enough meds to make the pain go away.  If I take enough for the pain, I am dopey.

So, it's up to me.  I have to do this for myself.

Nightmares

I've had some pretty disturbing dreams about this upcoming surgery.  It seems I have dreamed about everything that could go wrong.  I have a DNR and will be sure to take it with me to the hospital.

My therapist said we will work on those fears in late December/early January.  I'm glad he said that.

I am tired this evening.

November 7, 2013

Yesterday I had an MRI, Mylegram, CT, and multiple Xrays. DrP, my spine doctor scheduled surgery for Jan 14, 2014. He wants me to lose 20 pounds over the next two months. I can start tomorrow. Today I had to stay in bed until after 1pm, and now I can only sit up in my easy chair the rest of the afternoon.

He will open me from the front and get to the front of the spine where he will scrape clean two crumbled discs and insert cages. Then he will fill the cages with my own bone marrow taken from my hip. The cages will be screwed onto the spine and then he'll close the front. Then I will be moved onto my front and he will open the back. He will secure rods to the spine. Then he will remove some bone from my spine and release a nerve which is being pinched and causing my right hip and leg a lot of PAIN. Then he'll close me up.  He told us that I'll be in the hospital for a week.

DrP said it was a dangerous surgery (always is when it involves the spine) but I will be glad to have it done. I am taking a lot of pain medicine right now. I am truly relieved that my right hip and leg won't hurt for the rest of my life!

Then he told me that I will eventually have to have more surgery on my back but we'll put that off as long as possible.

What a day!

Trusting a doctor

I have an appointment with my spine doctor tomorrow.  He wants a new MRI to compare to my last one taken 3 years ago.  The pain never seems to find relief, even though he has me on a pain med.  I take the med just in case it might work well.  Right now it works 'sort of'.  I spent some time on the internet this evening and found there are many different treatments.  I guess it really depends on what the mri shows.

Albert is going with me tomorrow.  I love how he is slowing changing and supporting me better than he has in the past.  For a while, during the early years of my mental illness, he was always more angry than helpful.  Helpless - Albert was helpless and he was angry with himself - that's what my therapist said.  When we both realized this illness was here to stay, the tension became less between us.  Now we are best friends.  We look forward to retirement and moving closer to our older son in order to thoroughly spoil our three Missouri grandchildren.  After all, isn't that what grandparents are supposed to do?

pain

My back hurts.  It's hurt for more than 7 years but the pain now requires Ultram which doesn't really do more than dull the pain.  It's hard to explain to Albert although he did hurt his back recently and I told him that my back hurt like that 24/7.  I think he understood.

I see Dr.Parker on Wednesday, just two days away.  I'll have an mri first, then see him two hours later.  I want the pain to stop which makes me anxious about surgery or any other options.