This evening I am angry. I ran into a lady who's sons I played with in the summers age 10 to 13. They were nice boys and tolerated my sister and brother. We did a lot of bike riding.
I introduced myself and she mentioned my mother and said," she was an amazing and strong nurse. I always liked her.
Damn it, she was not that way at all. At home she had a live-in maid, me. She wasn't kind or happy or sweet. She was the devil in disguise. She was evil and mean and yelled a lot and hit even more.
She made sure we dressed nicely to keep up HER image. I could vomit!
I believe her visitation will be long and sickly. oh how I dread that day!!!
Saturday, March 22, 2014
Thursday, March 20, 2014
just thinking
I am having a fibro flare today. I hurt all over. Aching and painful hands (I now have arthritis). Aches everywhere!
I told Albert I would walk this afternoon but I'm not sure I can. It is supposed to be near 70 which would be nice.
I am so tired. I know this is extremely short, but I'm stopping for today. poooooooo
I told Albert I would walk this afternoon but I'm not sure I can. It is supposed to be near 70 which would be nice.
I am so tired. I know this is extremely short, but I'm stopping for today. poooooooo
Saturday, March 15, 2014
Back Surgery
After several schedule changes, I had back surgery on Feb 4. The first week I barely remember as I was kept comfortable with some great pain meds. I had physical therapy twice a day and walked a little bit. Every day I got stronger and did physical therapy faithfully.
I spent 10 days in the hospital and then was transported to Pioneer Skilled Nursing Center. The nursing and entire staff were so nice. I had physical therapy every day, 2 or 3 times a day. I did my best to walk, walk, and walk. I spent ten days there.
When I got home, Albert had put a small bed in the living room. I was still restricted to only standing or laying down. I could sit 15minutes, 4 times a day.
I'm now 6 weeks after surgery. I have no more back pain. In fact, I took my last pain pill more than a week ago. Would I do it again? Absolutely.
I still have a ton of restrictions: no bending, twisting, pushing, pulling. I have a 5lb lifting limit (a half gallon of liquid is 5lbs) and I still get tired but I know the tiredness is due to the Fibromyalgia. I can now sit as much as I want but Dr.Parker said don't over-do it.
Albert has been wonderful through this. He sat with me all day when the hospital gave me valium for pain. I had hallucinations and could not be left alone. Albert said it was really hilarious and he wished he had taped some of it. Knowing what I said, I'm glad he didn't! At home he helps me dry off after a shower, he helps me put on underwear and pants and socks. I'm mostly dependent on him since I still have all of the restrictions.
I'm doing strengthening exercises several times a day and I'm walking a mile at the community building every morning. I'm in a brace and will probably wear it for several months. The nerves of my right leg are coming back to life. That is painful but I am on Gabapentin for the nerve endings.
I feel good, I'm on a good combination of antidepressants, and I enjoy my life. To think that I waited 4 years to have surgery is something I now regret.
I spent 10 days in the hospital and then was transported to Pioneer Skilled Nursing Center. The nursing and entire staff were so nice. I had physical therapy every day, 2 or 3 times a day. I did my best to walk, walk, and walk. I spent ten days there.
When I got home, Albert had put a small bed in the living room. I was still restricted to only standing or laying down. I could sit 15minutes, 4 times a day.
I'm now 6 weeks after surgery. I have no more back pain. In fact, I took my last pain pill more than a week ago. Would I do it again? Absolutely.
I still have a ton of restrictions: no bending, twisting, pushing, pulling. I have a 5lb lifting limit (a half gallon of liquid is 5lbs) and I still get tired but I know the tiredness is due to the Fibromyalgia. I can now sit as much as I want but Dr.Parker said don't over-do it.
Albert has been wonderful through this. He sat with me all day when the hospital gave me valium for pain. I had hallucinations and could not be left alone. Albert said it was really hilarious and he wished he had taped some of it. Knowing what I said, I'm glad he didn't! At home he helps me dry off after a shower, he helps me put on underwear and pants and socks. I'm mostly dependent on him since I still have all of the restrictions.
I'm doing strengthening exercises several times a day and I'm walking a mile at the community building every morning. I'm in a brace and will probably wear it for several months. The nerves of my right leg are coming back to life. That is painful but I am on Gabapentin for the nerve endings.
I feel good, I'm on a good combination of antidepressants, and I enjoy my life. To think that I waited 4 years to have surgery is something I now regret.
Monday, December 30, 2013
December 30, 2013
My goodness this year has just flown by. Albert and I are another year older and feeling the aches and pains of moving in the morning after we leave the bed. I am grateful for meds that help me feel better.
I have major back surgery on January 14. The closer I get to the date, the more apprehensive I am. Dr.Brady said he can help me with that. I see him January 7. I have nightmares of things going wrong and me spending the rest of my life in a wheel chair. yikes!
Helena and I talk every day. I love her to pieces but sometimes she drives me crazy when she begins to ramble. She will be 58 on her birthday at the end of January. We are growing old and are best friends. I am grateful for Helena and her wisdom.
I love the new online WebMD private community. No more nasty posts about me and Misty. I tried my best to get the 'nut' to shut up but she continues to bring up all the turmoil she caused. Good grief! Some people are simply dumb.
Emotionally I am feeling very good. My visit with Dr.Brady on January 7 will be the last one for quite a while. I like Dr.Brady a lot and I'll miss our weekly appointments.
I am hoping for a wonderful and happy 2014 for me and all my friends and family.
I have major back surgery on January 14. The closer I get to the date, the more apprehensive I am. Dr.Brady said he can help me with that. I see him January 7. I have nightmares of things going wrong and me spending the rest of my life in a wheel chair. yikes!
Helena and I talk every day. I love her to pieces but sometimes she drives me crazy when she begins to ramble. She will be 58 on her birthday at the end of January. We are growing old and are best friends. I am grateful for Helena and her wisdom.
I love the new online WebMD private community. No more nasty posts about me and Misty. I tried my best to get the 'nut' to shut up but she continues to bring up all the turmoil she caused. Good grief! Some people are simply dumb.
Emotionally I am feeling very good. My visit with Dr.Brady on January 7 will be the last one for quite a while. I like Dr.Brady a lot and I'll miss our weekly appointments.
I am hoping for a wonderful and happy 2014 for me and all my friends and family.
Sunday, December 15, 2013
Catching up Dec 15, 2013
When I have down days, I usually come to the internet and WebMD. Lately it's all seemed too much to do.
Caprice/Mona is back! I was so glad to hear from her I cried. Albert held me and said it was wonderful that she has returned. She's not working for WebMD and is just another person in our community. She is wise, stays calm, and likes everyone. She was also abused and she could relate to a lot of posts.
My weight loss is very slow. I'm not hungry most of the time but I can't keep taking all my meds on an empty stomach. Helena and I counted the other day and I take 43 pills a day. Criminy, I should be healthy as a horse but I'm not. I don't understand most of this. And my new DrP (psychiatrist) told me that two of my psych meds were hindering my efforts but he would not take them away. I figured as much.
I was trying to see DrB every other Tuesday but he said no, every week until I have surgery. sigh On the other hand, we'll keep in touch weekly until I am able to sit down. Speaking of that, I will only be able to stand or lay down for 3 months. I will be allowed to go to the bathroom sitting down. I'm very thankful!
Our whole town has had lots of internet crashes over the last week. Starting Saturday evening we had no internet at home and I just figured it was down again. Finally this evening I called AT&T and discovered my wireless modem had failed. So I am sitting at the dining room table with all kinds of wires feeding my laptop. They will be here Wednesday morning at 9am to set us up with Uverse. Not only that but they are reducing our home service for the next twelve months to $44 plus taxes and fees. We've been paying $98 for a long, long time. That was nice news.
Our first snow is beautiful. Temps are rising and I will be more apt to leave the house. I need to get working on the final books for the store for 2013. And I will need to set up 2014 so our Sales Manager will be able to enter the information and try to keep me up to date. I know she can do it and I'm looking forward to the time she says "I have done everything".
I read a story on the internet about a mother who wanted everything to be perfect. She took out all of her frustration on her older daughter. Eventually the mother realized that life didn't have to perfect. She began handing out praises to her daughter and the other two children. I sent the story to my younger son who got blamed for everything in my effort to make him the model child. He hasn't responded and may never refer to the story. But I am glad I sent it to him along with another apology for his lousy childhood.
That's all for now.
Caprice/Mona is back! I was so glad to hear from her I cried. Albert held me and said it was wonderful that she has returned. She's not working for WebMD and is just another person in our community. She is wise, stays calm, and likes everyone. She was also abused and she could relate to a lot of posts.
My weight loss is very slow. I'm not hungry most of the time but I can't keep taking all my meds on an empty stomach. Helena and I counted the other day and I take 43 pills a day. Criminy, I should be healthy as a horse but I'm not. I don't understand most of this. And my new DrP (psychiatrist) told me that two of my psych meds were hindering my efforts but he would not take them away. I figured as much.
I was trying to see DrB every other Tuesday but he said no, every week until I have surgery. sigh On the other hand, we'll keep in touch weekly until I am able to sit down. Speaking of that, I will only be able to stand or lay down for 3 months. I will be allowed to go to the bathroom sitting down. I'm very thankful!
Our whole town has had lots of internet crashes over the last week. Starting Saturday evening we had no internet at home and I just figured it was down again. Finally this evening I called AT&T and discovered my wireless modem had failed. So I am sitting at the dining room table with all kinds of wires feeding my laptop. They will be here Wednesday morning at 9am to set us up with Uverse. Not only that but they are reducing our home service for the next twelve months to $44 plus taxes and fees. We've been paying $98 for a long, long time. That was nice news.
Our first snow is beautiful. Temps are rising and I will be more apt to leave the house. I need to get working on the final books for the store for 2013. And I will need to set up 2014 so our Sales Manager will be able to enter the information and try to keep me up to date. I know she can do it and I'm looking forward to the time she says "I have done everything".
I read a story on the internet about a mother who wanted everything to be perfect. She took out all of her frustration on her older daughter. Eventually the mother realized that life didn't have to perfect. She began handing out praises to her daughter and the other two children. I sent the story to my younger son who got blamed for everything in my effort to make him the model child. He hasn't responded and may never refer to the story. But I am glad I sent it to him along with another apology for his lousy childhood.
That's all for now.
Sunday, December 8, 2013
Thanksgiving, carpet, pain ... a smorgasboard of topics
We had a nice Thanksgiving at our older son's home in North West Missouri. My granddaughter Kate is nearly 13 and emotional about everything. My heart felt so heavy when she would tear up. Before we left, we were getting ready to play Phase 10. Her mother went to get her and she said no, she didn't want to play. Then I went to the living room and talked to her softly about how what she was experiencing was normal. Then I talked her into coming to play cards with me as a partner. We won!! She was ok until we were saying goodbye. I love her so much.
We are getting our carpets cleaned on Tuesday. Albert will be here to help move furniture. Later today we are going to clean. Webs in corners, furniture, and baseboards. The bathroom will be the worse to clean. I've really let cleaning go. Then on Wednesday I'll put up our tree.
Last night I had a nightmare four times! I dreamt that I woke up during surgery and could not tell anyone. I woke up each time, went to the bathroom, then back to bed thinking about other things but the nightmare would come back every time I went back to sleep. It was a long, tiring night.
The closer I come to the surgery date, the more disturbed I feel. I want my body pain to stop and yet the surgery I am having is going to be terribly painful. The recovery will be long. Therapy will be painful. The way I feel about it, it's going to give me as much or more pain for a long time. Jeeze, will someone stop this train I'm on?
All of our family is well. Michelle had some minor surgery last week and is recuperating nicely. Her mother is there until Tuesday.
Finally, today at church Albert and I read about the beginning of Advent and I lit the white candle of Hope. It was an honor.
Now, I'm going to go wrap some Christmas presents.
We are getting our carpets cleaned on Tuesday. Albert will be here to help move furniture. Later today we are going to clean. Webs in corners, furniture, and baseboards. The bathroom will be the worse to clean. I've really let cleaning go. Then on Wednesday I'll put up our tree.
Last night I had a nightmare four times! I dreamt that I woke up during surgery and could not tell anyone. I woke up each time, went to the bathroom, then back to bed thinking about other things but the nightmare would come back every time I went back to sleep. It was a long, tiring night.
The closer I come to the surgery date, the more disturbed I feel. I want my body pain to stop and yet the surgery I am having is going to be terribly painful. The recovery will be long. Therapy will be painful. The way I feel about it, it's going to give me as much or more pain for a long time. Jeeze, will someone stop this train I'm on?
All of our family is well. Michelle had some minor surgery last week and is recuperating nicely. Her mother is there until Tuesday.
Finally, today at church Albert and I read about the beginning of Advent and I lit the white candle of Hope. It was an honor.
Now, I'm going to go wrap some Christmas presents.
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